The problem
1. Sort out the three conversations
Shifting to a learning stance
The "what happened?" conversation
2. Stop arguing about who's right : explore each other's stories
3. Don't assume they meant it : disentangle intent from impact
4. Abandon blame : map the contribution system
The feelings conversation
5. Have your feelings (or they will have you)
The identity conversation
6. Ground your identity : ask yourself what's at stake
Create a learning conversation
7. What's your purpose? : When to raise it and when to let go
8. Getting started : begin from the third story
9. Learning : listen from the inside out
10. Expression : speak for yourself with clarity and power
11. Problem-solving : take the lead
12. Putting it all together
Ten questions people ask about Difficult conversations

We've all been there: We know we must talk to a colleague, our boss or event a friend about something we know will be at least uncomfortable and at worst explosive. So we repeatedly mull it over until we can no longer put it off, and then finally stumble through a confrontation when we could have had a conversation. Difficult Conversations is the definitive work on handling these unpleasant exchanges, based on 15 years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project. It teaches us to work through them by understand that we're not engaging in one dialogue but three: the "what happened" conversation (what do we believe was said and done), the "feelings" conversation (the emotional impact on everyone involved), and the "identity" conversation (what does this mean for everyone's opinion of themselves). In a world where asking for a pay rise, saying 'no' to your boss, asking a favor or apologizing for a mistake can be a horrendous nightmare, Difficult Conversations deserves its position as a business classic.